The Green Jumpsuit
by Rukiabi
Summary: “Psst, Sasuke!” Lee whispered, “How would you like to try out the new hyperbolic, expansibly merry, blusterably washable jumpsuit? It’s GREEN.”


Rukiabi: I'm not really a huge Naruto fan like some other people in the anime world; actually, I quite despise it right now because of its seemingly un-ending filler arc in the anime and lack of cool Sasuke-ness in both the anime and manga. I only go for this because of SasuNaru but there really isn't any shounen-ai hints in here. Ah meh, I'm just crazy.

Hahahaha omg, WHAT was I thinking? Rival Takoyaki stand? They don't even serve the same food! XD (laughs to death)

The Green Jumpsuit – Sequel to The Jumpsuit

Summary: "Psst, Sasuke!" Lee whispered, "How would you like to try out the new hyperbolic, expansibly merry, blusterably washable jumpsuit? It's GREEN."

Disclaimer: All characters of Naruto are © of Kishimoto Masashi.

- - - - - - - -

A dark and shadowy figure hidden underneath a large straw hat and cloaked with a straw cape clickety clacked through the busy people filled street with small restaurants and vendors on either side of him.

It had been days; days since he had last ate to satisfaction and nights since he slept to contentment. Now he could only eat small morsels in anticipation of another attack and toss and turn in his sleep with fitful dreams of their lustful hands reaching out towards him. So many hands. He just couldn't understand why there were so many of them! Was half the human race always so carnivorous? And they wouldn't LEAVE HIM ALONE. Curse the creation of those beasts! He also vaguely wondered why he was wearing geta sandals instead of his usual ninja ones, but it didn't matter. Two pale hands pulled the cape closer to himself. He had on his best guise. No, he was not a very hot bishi with dispersible clothing. He was now a lone stranger, a sword-less samurai blending into the civilian crowds and obscured from predatorial eyes.

"Hey!" A passing kunoichi ran up to her girlfriend. "Have you found him yet?" The other kunoichi shook her head bitterly and raised her nose. "No, but I can SMELL him." The girl breathed in deeply through her nostrils. "He's CLOSE." The first girl flared her nostrils as well, "You're right…" The lone stranger sweat dropped while slowly inching away from hearing distance of the conversation.

Girls. Women. Females. Etc. Their hormonal courting/hunting methods allow them to even succeed the talents of the Inuzuka clan. Their sharp senses could detect his essence from a mile away. The shadow pulled himself into a dark alleyway in between a popular ramen shop and a rival takoyaki stand. They were onto him. Now was the time to disappear. Just as he was about to cut through the alley into the adjacent vendor street across from him, he heard a shout, "There he is!"

Oh No! Did they find him already? The trembling vibrations from the stampeding of numerous feet told him correct. He was in trouble. Run! The sword-less samurai jumped onto the shack-like roof of the ramen shop and sprinted across the rooftops of connecting buildings, skipping over large gaps, where retailed goods were sold. On his tail trailed some tens of female ninjas. There were also some kunoichis and normal civilian or peasant girls keeping pace alongside him on the ground. Why did he feel surrounded all of a sudden?

If he could just get to the mountain face, maybe the less beautiful faces of the hokages from the past would falter the girls and he would be safe for a few hours- but it had been too soon for him to hope for just as he had landed onto another tiled building, the front heel of his right sandal caught in between a crack in a roof tile- he knew he should have worn his ninja sandals that day!- and the poor prey of tens of malicious hunter girls lost his balance and was sent flying backwards into a steaming hot spring, filled with naked girls.

"Kyaaa!"

"Oh my god, WHAT was that?"

"Eww it's a giant banana slug!"

"Get it away from me!"

The lone stranger, who had floated to the surface of the pool backside up, twitched all over his body. His soaked straw cape, with its darkened yellow lines giving it the illusion of numerous wrinkles, made an arc shape like that of a very nutritious fruit, thus demoting him as the 'Giant Banana Slug'. The so-called 'Banana Slug' regained consciousness after the hot water in the pool began waving frantically from the urgent rushing of girls pulling themselves out of the pool as fast as they could from the not-so-beautiful 'Giant Banana Slug'. The 'Giant Banana Slug' thanked the stars that the steaming water had hid his scent and quickly dog-paddled through the bath water, past his floating straw hat, and slid towards a mini waterfall connected to the hot spring.

Insanity. That was what it was. He was probably going insane now. Of all the situations he could have gotten himself in, he had to get into the worst one yet. He was now stuck in the women's bathhouse. And being a bathhouse meant that there would be many more people- no, not people, WOMEN entering the vicinity. Naked women. He HAD to get out of there!

Only when he was sure the search bitches had long passed over the rooftops of the bathhouse did he feel safe enough to leave the security of the hot spring. Tiptoeing, because he had lost his sandals in the fall and refused to find them again (it was all the sandals fault that he had been forced into that position!), he peered through the crack between the curtain door and the doorframe, checking to see if there were any WOMEN inside. Luckily, there didn't seem to be any (maybe they'd all been frightened away by the 'Giant Banana Slug'?).

The shadow slid into the changing room and immediately immersed himself within the laundry baskets, attempting to find a more suitable attire to wear. Maybe if he cross-dressed and wore a skirt previously worn by a girl, then they wouldn't be able to follow him by scent! Oh, but then that would mean he'd have to take off his precious jum—

A shuffling sound was heard from behind the lone stranger. Who could it possibly be…? The stranger slowly turned his head like the ticking of a hand on a clock face. When his head had turned to a complete 90 degrees, he peaked through his dark dripping strands of hair to find— a fourteen year old boy with a bowl cut.

"Lee..?" WHAT was he doing in the girl's change room?

The boy wearing a white bathrobe stood rigid like a tiki man. With his hand beside his face, he greeted, "Yo."

The stranger's eyes widened exponentially. Oh... No. Rock Lee. As a Notorious heroic figure and a lover of all that was green coloured, his smiles blinded and burned the eyes of all who unintentionally passed by. He was out of there in less than 0.5 seconds.

"W-wait! Sasuke-kun!" The black haired boy reached out in the direction of the exit.

Sasuke- Ran. Like. HELL. There was NO WAY in the world he was going to associate himself with guy who had a fruit bowl for a hairstyle. And those EYES! What, were they buttons or something? And especially that smile! It was so filled with NICENESS and POSIVITISM that he couldn't help but shudder. Looking over his shoulder, he noticed a bobbing green figure waving to him far in the horizon.

"SAAASSSUUKEEE!"

He picked up speed.

A golden haired boy, clad in an orange coat and pants, was innocently walking down the street, minding his own business until a huge sand storm in the shape of a red and white fan blew his clothes tight against his skin and his hair back against his scalp.

"Sasuke…?" His eyes followed the running storm before flickering back to another tornado swirling past him with lush green leaves. "Fuzzy brows…?"

Sasuke turned left hoping to lose the cat through a mouse hole, but instead found himself cornered in a dead end. And just as he was about to wall kick against the skyscraper high buildings to the roofs, 'Fuzzy Brows' raised from the ground with shining eyes right in front of him.

"Urg! Lee!"

Lee's face inched closer and closer to Sasuke's. "That's right Sasuke-kun, there is something you must know…"

While Sasuke's face inched farther and farther away from Lee's. "Something... oh really?"

"They are planning to strip you of your most precious belongings."

Sasuke's brows furrowed as he attempted to comprehend just what the mini green giant was saying. "Who are 'They' ?"

"THEY!" A shadow was now plastered over Lee's expression. "They plan to initiate 'Plan Banana Peel' upon youuu!"

Sasuke raised a brow. " 'Banana Peel' ?"

And Lee answered by placing his two index fingers side by side. His fingers bent apart from each other in impossible curves.

Sasuke's eyes widened in horror.

Meanwhile…

"Sakura!"

"Oh I don't know about this Ino. Is this really… safe?"

Two preteen girls stood in front of a wooden bench conducting evil blueprints for a certain someone. Because they had gotten tired from chasing the certain bishi for so long, they had decided to take a break and eat some ninja-style kabobs from a nearby food vendor that just so happened to be situated in the middle of nowhere. But taking a break from the pursuit meant that others would have a better chance of catching up to their obsession.

"Oh don't worry, our efforts cannot be outmatched! Plus, we both like him right? And thus-"

The violet dressed girl raised the stick of kushiage triumphantly in the air. "I have come up with the best plan to capture our beloved Sasuke!"

The maroon dressed girl twirled her stick between her fingers in loss. "What is it this time Ino?"

"It's called Plan Sandwich!"

The maroon girl peaked through her pieces of half chewed on beef. "Is this going to get us closer to Sasuke?"

"MUCH closer! This is how it works. First both of us will chase Sasuke. Then, one of us will disappear and then reappear in front of him so he'll be cornered and then…"

A strong gust blew past the girls, muffling what the violet girl had finished saying to the maroon girl. When it had past, the maroon dressed girl spoke in excitement-

"That is, surprisingly, an excellent idea Ino!" She raised a fiery fist full of spirit. "We'll definitely get Sasuke this time for sure!"

Meanwhile…

Sasuke stood behind a vendor flag with crossed arms. His fingers clawed into the spandex material of his sleeves. This was ridiculous. He couldn't believe what he had been talked into. He couldn't believe that he had even agreed to it!

- - - - - - - -

"So you see, Sasuke-kun, it's imperative that you take action right now! And do I have just the thing for you!"

Lee pulled out what looked like a long, thin, green piece of fabric that was half the length of himself from underneath his forehead protector. "The secret garment passed down from generations upon generations of famous taijutsu ninjas. This!"

He held the garment in the air and strange stars appeared out of nowhere and began to sparkle all around it.

"And that is..?"

"This is what is going to save your life Sasuke!"

- - - - - - - -

Sasuke peered over the edge of the flag, checking for any sources of threat (which were everywhere because everywhere he turned, females were present).

"Look, I see him! Ya hoo! Sasukeee!"

Sasuke looked behind him to find his two most greatest threats. Out of all the girls in the world, there were only two that unintentionally (or possibly intentionally) posed an actual threat to his life. Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino, before a backdrop of dazzling flowers and floating hearts, were sprinting towards him with outstretched arms. He found himself running again.

This was…

"This is… all Naruto's fault!"

- - - - - - - -

"Here you go! One miso ramen for my most regular customer."

- - - - - - - -

"If it hadn't been for Naruto..."

- - - - - - - -

"Ahchoo!"

- - - - - - - -

"I am so going to kill him the next time I see him!"

- - - - - - - -

"Oy, kid, you alright? You just sneezed into your ramen…"

"Oh yeah, don't worry 'bout it old man." Naruto rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and sniffed. Sasuke was talking about him again. Most likely, it was something involving his death. Oh well, usually he would be picking choice words to get back at him but right now, he had ramen to contend to.

The golden haired boy split his chopsticks and clapped his hands together.

"Itadakimasu!"

- - - - - - - -

Perfect. Just perfect. The day couldn't have gotten any better. First numerous random girls, then Rock Lee, and now the presidents of the Sasuke-fan club duo, did no one understand the concept of a break! And where did that button-eye Lee disappear to?

"Alright Sakura, I'm going to do it!" Ino took a swift leap and instantly vanished, leaving Sakura still on Sasuke's tail.

Sasuke turned his head to look behind him as he continued to run. It looked like one of the presidents had left—no. They were planning something… could it be? The 'Plan Banana Peel' that Lee had been so kind as to depict to him?

- - - - - - - -

Lee stood gallantly upon a parapet, looking down on the chase. "That's it Sasuke-kun. Use THE SUIT."

- - - - - - - -

Ino poofed in front of Sasuke, stopping him in his tracks. Gasp! This must have been a part of their devious plot in stripping him of his most precious belongings! But what was going to happen next?

"_Let them come towards you."_ Lee had said. _"They will find out for themselves that they are no match for THE SUIT!"_

Sasuke stood rigidly in place as Sakura and Ino slowly advanced towards him.

"Now Sakura!"

"Plan Sandwich are go!"

The duo leapt; and in a split second was right beside the poor swordless samurai. They reached out and grabbed the collar of Sasuke's suit and as fast as they had arrived, leapt several metres away from him.

"We've got him now Ino! …Ehh?"

Both girls were astonished to find, instead of the whole jumpsuit peeling apart like a banana, the collar of the suit stretching to unbelievable lengths. It continued to expand as they moved farther apart and soon, Sasuke's bare shoulders were left vulnerable.

"Gahh!" Sasuke attempted to keep his balance as he wobbled between opposite pulls.

Sakura, in a panic, cried. "I-Ino! I'm losing my gri-"

All of a sudden, the collar slipped from the maroon dressed girl's grip and began to contract at an incredible rate back to the source of its connection. Sasuke was thrown forward from the powerful backlash of the elastic collar and Ino, in a surprise, released her grasp on her side of the collar just before Sasuke could hit into her and ducked, feeling the sudden whoosh of Sasuke flying past her. A few second later, a loud splash was heard from afar.

The Sasuke fan club duo was left staring in the direction where their beloved had flown off, shocked. "Um… oh no."

- - - - - - - -

Naruto had had a pretty good day that day. Other than the unexpected sighting of Sasuke being chased by their upper classman and him sneezing into his meal, it had been another normal day in Konohakure. As Naruto rounded the bend and began walking alongside the stream, he noticed a small movement from underneath the bridge team seven always used as a meeting place with their sensei. As he got closer, he became more and more curious as to what the black shadow was and tiptoed to side of the stone bridge so that he was leaning against it. He shuffled along the wall ever so slowly till he was at the corner and shyly peered over the edge…

"S-Sasuke?"

A naked Sasuke was almost looming over Naruto now with dagger filled eyes.

"GIVE ME YOUR CLOTHES!"

- - - - - - - - (end)

Rukiabi: I guess you can tell when I started writing this fic. Yay Sasuke's back! Did you see him in the latest chappys? OMG he was so hot when he stood on that giant rock piece and then all of a sudden appeared beside Naruto with his arm over his shoulder like that and I was like SQUEEEEEE!… anyways, that is the end of my ficcy. Review, nee?

By the way, by "search bitches" I had meant female search dogs since the girls had acted a lot like search dogs. I don't mean in any way for that word to be read or understood as an obscene word.

Geta Sandals- sandals with a separate heel.

Kushiage- skewered vegetables and meat that are breaded and deep-fried; Japanese-style kabob.

Takoyaki- fried/ baked octopus rolled into balls.


End file.
